My Angel
by Rubyyy Gem
Summary: When Bella jumps off the cliff, Edward is with Alice when she has the vision, causing the whole Cullen family to return to Forks. He returns to find Bella in hospital with her condition critical. Will he have the strength to change her?
1. Chapter 1

Just a little warning: This story is a flash back and so has the dialogue from New Moon, when Edward elaves Bella. The Dialogue in _italics_ is Stephanie Myers work and will only eb used for this chapter because, as i said, it is a flashback.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Edward (though i do wish!) or Bella or Alice, or any of the Cullens. I also do not own the writing in _italics_

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Final Scene

It had been eight months since my family and I had left Forks. Eight long, excruciating, tormenting months. I had overestimated my self control as always. I had been selfish and left Bella, to protect her.

I could remember her birthday party. She had been opening her presents and received a paper cut. A paper cut. In anyone elses house the worst scenario was that they didn't have a band aid or she got a drop of blood on her shirt. With my familya paper cut meant a blood bath. Her scent had hit my brother Jasper and he acted on instincts, going for Bella to drain her dry. I reacted on my instincts pushing her back, where she landed on a glass table. Jasper felt guilty about it later, he did want o be a monster but was just to new at our vegetarian lifestyle to resist any human blood, let along Bellas. Her blood was stronger than anything any of my family or many other vampires had encountered, and it was a thousand times worse for me. That night I had made my decision about me and Bella.

The final scene played out in my head for the millionth time.

I had asked her to go for a walk with me, into the reserve behind her house. I had to say the hardest words of my existence.

'_Bella, we're leaving.'_

As the words registered she looked suprised. _'Why now? Another year-'_

'_Bella its times. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty three now. We'd have to start over regardless.'_

My words seemed to sink in, the pain became clear. _'When you say we-,' _

I winced internally as I said, _'I mean my family and myself.'_

She shook her head. Several minutes passed before she spoke. _'Okay. I'll come with you.'_

'_You can't, Bella. Where we're going. . . It's not the right place for you.'_

'_Where you are going is the right place for me.'_

'_I'm no good for you Bella.'_

'_Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life.'_ I could hear the pleading in her voice.

'_My world is not for you.' _

'_What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!'_

'_You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected.'_

'You_ promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay--'_

I interrupted. _'As long as that was best for you.' _

'_No! This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want I without you—it's yours already.'_

I took a deep breath, staring as the ground trying to compose myself. I knew Bella would not drop this, the same way I wouldn't if the roles were reversed. There was only way to make her forget me, and it would wound her completely, killing me to do it. I put on a mask, speaking cooldy now.

'_Bella I don't want you to come with me.'_

There was a moment as she absorbed my words. _'You. . . don't. . . want me?'_

'_No.' _I stared back at her, unwaveringly. I saw the pain flash in her eyes as she tried to compose herself.

'_Well, that changes things.'_

I glanced off into the trees I couldn't look at Bella and say these things, not seeing the pain _I _was causing her, _'Of course, I'll always love you. . . in a way. But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human.' _I looked at her now. This was one of the first truthful things I was going to say today. _'I've let this go on too long, and I'm sorry for that.'_

'_Don't. Don't do this.'_

I stared at her, using every reserve of self control I had not to fall to my knees and beg her to forget what I said. That this was all lies. I knew Bella would beg if she thought it would help. And it would. If she begged or cried I would not be able to cope. I would not resist the urge let my façade fall and take her in my arms. I kept my face clean of all emotions. _'You're not good for me, Bella.'_

Again my words sliced her. The pain was visible in her eyes, but like me, she would not show it. It pained me how she could believe this. Had all the times I declared my love for her fallen past her? Did she believe that one day I could love her and the next not. How could she think she was not good enough for me, when it was the reverse. It was I who was not good enough for her. She was the kind and innocent one, who was willing to risk her safety to make me happy. She had done so much to make me happy, and now it was my turn to return the favour. Now she was hurting but it was better for her in the long run.

'_If. . . that's what you want.'_

I nodded.

If she was going along with this I was going to make her promise me something. I didn't care if I had to dazzle her into promising, and that would be too cruel and too much for me to bear, she had to promise me. _'I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much.'_

'_Anything.'_

I knew she meant it. I knew I let my emotions show for a minute. How much she obviously loved me. I had just cut her permanently, and still she would do what I asked. I had to recompose myself before I continued.

I let the emotions enter my voice now. I needed her to keep this promise. _'Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?' _If anything happened to her I would not forgive myself. _'I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him.' _

Take care of yourself for me Bella. If anything happens to you I will not be able to bare it. I will not survive that. And deep down I hoped to have a chance to beg her to forgive me, in the future. I was only able to say any of this because she was still alive. But if she died I would not live, that hadn't changed. And if anyone hurt her, I would make sure they paid.

'_I will.'_

I was about to make a promise that I didn't know if I was going to be able to keep. _'And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I never existed.' _And I would make sure it was. I would remove all evidence of my existence. The photos, the presents, the CD. I would wipe clean everything that could remind her of me. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain.

_Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.'_ I was torn between wanting to believe that and hoping it was a lie. I did not want Bella to experience pain, but I didn't want her to forget me, not really. I wanted her, even now. How did I plan to live without her?

'_And your memories?'_

'_Well, I won't forget. But my kind. . . we're every easily distracted.'_ I said distracted suggestively. I hope she took the hint as, that I would be with other women. It was a lie of course. And it would hurt her. But if she thought I was with other people maybe she would move on faster. I wanted Bella to be happy, she deserved nothing less. _'That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again.'_

'_Alice isn't coming back.'_

The pain again. How could I hurt the woman I love so much and still be standing. Inside I was torn and bleeding myself. Every ounce of pain I saw in Bellas eyes, I felt myself. I almost crumpled to the floor under the weight of it all.

'_No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you good bye.'_

'_Alice is gone?'_

I hated myself for not allowing my sister to say good bye to Bella. It had hurt them both, and I didn't think I could stand being the cause of Bellas pain anymore. _'She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you.'_

I had said all I could say. If I stayed any longer it would just hurt her more. _'Good bye Bella.' _

'_Wait.'_

I saw her hands reaching out for mine and grabbed her wrists, pinning them to the side. I f I allowed her to cling to me, I would break. It was taking every ounce I had to keep it up. Her pain was too much for me to bear. I never wanted to my Bella in that sort of agony, least of all at my hands. I pressed my lips gently to her forehead. I need one last kiss to get me through. In the kiss I mesmerized her scent, the intoxicating floral scent that was so strong, unique and inviting.

'_Take care of yourself.'_

I turned and ran and fast as I could. I was faster than ordinary vampires, but this time I think I went faster than I ever had. I was no longer running, but fleeing. Fleeing from the temptation to tell Bella the truth, from her pain and from what I had done.

The whole run I could not get her face out my head. The pain had been so visible in her eyes, and I doubted I could ever forget it, even if I lived for another hundred years.

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So what do you think? Please read and review because it will be much appreciated :) and i also promise that there will be no more using Stephanie Myers writing, but it was a necassary measure here. From now on it will be my writing


	2. Chapter 2

Vision

I sat silently watching the waves crash into each other, the white foam forming as each wave collided. The ocean was black, seeming to form the black spiral of turmoil that raged inside of me. I looked up at the sky, a black cloth that stretched from one horizon to the other, cloaking the world in darkness. Tiny lights sparkled above me, small droplets of glitter, stopping the world from being plunged into complete and utter darkness, small diamonds of their own unique beauty. The moon glowed above me, watching over the world he way the sun did in the day, but without the harshness of its heat or cruelty of its light, only glimmering in its beautiful way. The wind whispered into my ear its own sweet song, caressing my skin with its gentle touch as the leaves danced in the breeze.

I begun to hum her lullaby gently, wincing inside as the memories hit me. My vampire senses granted me a perfect memory, as if these flashes had been filmed or were being played out right now. I saw every detail, no matter how microscopic, and with clarity. I could still smell unique floral scent, feel the warmth of her skin against my stone cold fingertips, hearing her fluttering heart beat that never slowed in my presence. The scent of her blood had bled into my memory, still pulling me towards its irresistibility, its strength never decreasing.

I heard Alice come up behind me, hearing her thoughts of worry and concern. I felt her guilt about being around Jasper, forcing a top his own feelings of concern her own. None of my family could bear to be near Jasper, for if they were they forced his emotions to be multiplied I knew I was tearing my families hearts to pieces, piercing their life with heartache, but I had no way to stop it. How was I supposed to go when the reason form my existence had been snatched from my life?

'Edward,' her voice was dry, tense as if unsure how I would react to her presence.

'What is it Alice?'

I heard her sigh into the wind.

I heared what she was thinking.

'No Alice.'

'But Edward.'

'No she is better off without me.'

'How can you say that,' she screamed cutting through the tranquility of the night.

Flashes blinked through her mind, and so mine. I saw Bella crumpling to the ground in the forest the day I left her, her silently crying in her room, the zombie like trance she was in, her fragile state as she lost weight and emotional feeling.

'Stop Alice,' I cried. I knew what I had done, but it was for the best, or so I tried to convince myself.

'How is that for Bellas well being Edward?'

'I'm no good for her.'

Alice threw her hands above her head, her face turning ferocious. She spat her words venomously, 'Because you're a vampire? Does this fate mean that you do not deserve happiness?' Her voice changed to one of sadness, pleading, 'She loves you Edward. She does not care about your situation because it's you she wants.'

Alice would never understand. I could kill Bella every time I touched her, endangering her every time I was near her. Then there was the pull of her blood, driving me within inches of insanity every time I smelt its sweet scent. And then there was what she wanted.

I was selfish enough to want it too. I wanted nothing more than for her to be a vampire. To be able to touch her without putting her at risk, to love her freely and however I chose to, to enjoy every aspect that came with love. And as much I longed to smell her scent daily, to be rid of the pull of her blood, would mean I would never have to fear my teeth biting through her delicate membrane to get to the warm delicious blood just beneath its surface. I would not have to fear for her life, due to a human accident or my own kind because she would be my own kind. She would be strong and endurable.

I shook my head. It was reasons like this I left. I could actually convince myself that it was for the best to take away Bellas humanity. To deprive her of children, to snatch away her family and friends, condemning her to a life of blood lust, fighting the insanity of the pull of that sweet smell.

I sighed, shaking my head as I turned my back on Alice.

'Alice we are not discussing this.' I looked back at the ocean to see the first rays of sun penetrating the horizon.

I heard a small gasp and turned to see that Alices eyes had gone glassy, her body rigid.

'Alice?'

I saw her thoughts, or more so a vision.

I saw Bella standing on top of a cliff looking over the edge, watching the fierce waves below. They were harsh and violent, colliding with a strong force and with amazing speed. There was not an area of flatness, only roughness as the waves sprayed foam. There were grey clouds in the sky, flashes of bright lightening. Bellas hair flailed around her face, as the wind slammed into her. The rain began to fall harshly down from the sky. She was drenched in a minute. She crouched, placing her arms in front of her and sprung off.

'No!' I screamed.

I was frozen in place.

I saw her dive down, screaming as she went. She hit the water, crashing under the waves. I saw her surface, gasping for air, but then she was pulled back under. I didn't see her surface again.

Alice gasped for air, as she fell to her knees wheezing.

'Alice is she alive?'

Alice coughed violently. 'Edward I don't know,' she sobbed tearlessly. 'I don't know if Bella is alive.'

I screamed into the quiet night.

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**Authors note**

I just wanted to say an incrediable thank you to the people who reviewed! i was extremely flattered by all the positive feedback :D And also thank you to the people who submitted to my story and those who put it on their favourites list. To say thank you i have updated :) I hope you like this chapter, because it took me alot of editting to get it right. This was actually written after i had wrote a few of the later ones. I tried to use more imagary in this one. Also let me apologise if you are unhappy with the vision but Alice visions do not last long enough for me to describe every detail and i think Edward would be more preoccupied with the fact that Bella is on the top of a cliff, ready to jump then the details. I also apologise that it is a tad shorter than the last one but the next one is quite long.

Thank you again my reviewers and i hop you like it and please pelase reviwe again because you can not know how happy it made me last time :)


	3. Chapter 3

**The Cullens**

**Alice's Point of View**

I went sprinting into the house.

'Carlisle, Esme, someone!' I screamed frantically.

They were in front of me in under a second but to me it was an eternity.

'What is it Alice?' Carlisle questioned me.

I was gasping, tearless sobs still escaping me.'

Jasper was at my side, wrapping me into his embrace. I heard groan into my hair, as my emotions hit him. I knew it would be hard, the waves of my fear, pain, grief and guilt hitting him with the same strength that they hit me. I was amazed he was still standing. Instantly I felt a wave of calm wash over me and I felt a slight tinge of happiness as my anxiety evaporated. I gave him a small smile.

'Now Alice please tell me what is going on.'

I looked away from Jasper, and the vision replayed in my head. The familiar sense of calm increased before my emotions could spiral out of control.

'It's Bella,' I murmured.

Esme gasped. 'Alice Edward told you not to go looking into her future. He's right, we have enough damage to that poor child.'

'I don't have to look, sometimes I'm just shown things. And Edward was with me when it happened.'

'Where is he then?' someone said in a bored voice. I looked at Rosalie, standing there a smirk on her face. Of course she didn't care what happened to Bella, she was after all just a pathetic human to her. Rosalie had never warmed up to Bella. She viewed her as a threat to our comfortable life and as someone to envy. Her jealousy was unwarranted of course, but she knew that Bella wanted to become like us. Rosalie viewed it as waste, but Bella was not Rosalie, and she did not want to be a mother.

Jasper gripped my hands to calm the anger that suddenly spiked.

'He's gone back to Bella.'

Carlisle shook his head. 'He can't do that to her. We agreed that if we left we would never return. That was the condition of leaving.'

'Carlisle right,' Esme said. 'We hurt her when we left. Why are we trying to re hurt her? Why is Edward trying to re hurt her? Doesn't he love her enough to let her go?'

'She jumped off a cliff!' I screamed.

Everyone went silent.

'She jumped off a cliff and she didn't resurface.'

Jasper shook his head. 'But it hasn't happened yet so he can save her.'

'No it was happening as I saw it. It was one of the visions I have when someone makes a flash decision. Bella could be drowning as we speak.'

'But what can Edward do then? If she has jumped what can he do to save her?' Rosalie would use any excuse not to go back. My god, she really was selfish.

'Carlisle we have to go back. If Bella ends up in hospital she needs the best help and that's you.'

'Alice tell me you don't mean-' he started.

'Yes I do. Carlisle if she is on the verge of death Edward has to change her. He can not let her die.'

'Have you seen anything else?' Esme asked.

I searched into the future, hoping for a glimpse of Bella.

I saw Bella being pulled from the ocean by a boy. He looked older than Bella by a few years, and had deep brown tan, with ruggedly long black her. His features were quite hard and reflected his Indian heritage. He had well developed body with a lot of muscles and was tall, abnormally so.

Bella had a blue tinge to her lips, her skin paler than normal. I watched the boy pumping her chest and blowing into her mouth as he performed CPR.

'Sam,' he screamed.

He continued with the CPR as another boy, or man I noticed, came along.

This one I recognized as Sam Uley, leader of the wolf pack back in Forks. So Bella's savour was a werewolf.

'She's not breathing,' the boy said.

'Get her breathing and then get her to the hospital. We claim she washed up on the beach.'

I heard coughing and sputtering and saw Bella lean to the side, a large quanity of water sputtering from her mouth. She was gasping and coughing as she tried to breathe while spitting up the water. But her eyes were still closed and she had not spoken a word.

The vision ended.

I felt my eyes fluttering a bit as I tried to clear my sight. Jasper had his hands on my arms to stop me from collapsing if the vision was painful.

'She's alive,' I screamed. 'But she isn't awake. Carlisle she coughed up a lot of water but she was pale and had this blue tinge to her.'

Carlisle shook his head. 'We have to go back. She doesn't sound healthy at all and Alice is right. Edward deserves the choice of whether or not to change her.'

I bit down on my tongue to stop the urge to scream that he didn't. That if he had never Bella she would not have done this. I had seen what would happen when he left her. The months of depression where Charlie and Renee had conversations about whether to have her committed. Edward may have told me not to look into her future but at the start I couldn't help it. I had to make sure that she was alive and coping. She was more or less, definitely less, alive. Coping I doubted. She didn't read or listen to music from what I saw and she seemed to be losing weight and always have bags under her eyes. It scared me to see her like this.

Carlisle went into leader mode. He was always able to take control in a panicked situation.

'Rosalie wait behind for Emmett to return from hunting and then join as in Forks.'

'And if I don't want to?'

I growled at her. Esme threw me a warning look.

'That is your decision of course. If Emmett wishes to I'm sure Edward would be grateful for his support. And of course if anyone else wishes not to come along I will not force you.'

'Of course I will come,' said Esme. 'Bella is like my daughter and Edward my son. He won't be coping with this well at all. He should have waited for us. I know he will be beating himself up.'

Carlisle turned to Jasper. 'I will understand if you want to stay behind.'

He shook his head. 'Alice needs me so I will come along.'

I felt the amount of love I felt for him increase. He was always there when I needed him. I squeezed his hand, giving him a small smile.

Then we will leave.'

Carlisle and Esme took off in front of us without another word. I kept Jaspers hand in mine.

'You won't hurt her Jasper, I can see it.'

'Do you think she will forgive me for what happened at her birthday party?'

'I know she will. Bella does not hold it against you.'

He smiled and then we sped up to catch up with our mother and father. We were going home.

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I am the first to admit that this is not a great chapter. Origionally there were only four chapters in this story but i am trying to extend it. That means I have been able to try out other perspectives, as with this chapter. I hope that you get some enjoyment out of it even if it is not brillant. I had to write this in one night because though i am on holidays my homework has caught up. (if anyone has a heating and cooling investigation for physics it would be very helpful :P ) But i have the enxt chapter prepared so it will be up tomorrow or the next day, depending on how fast you review, yes im evil :D So please read, try to enjoy and review.


	4. Chapter 4

Return

I saw her fragile outline beneath the paper thin sheet. She had lost so much weight since I left her. Her skin was pale, almost the same colour as mine. My Bella, had, had tried to kill herself.

Of all her reckless stunts, this was the worst. Worse than falling in love with me, a vampire for god sakes. Worse than becoming best friends with that dog, Jake. Worse than anything she ever could have hoped to do. She had done the one thing I could never forgive, she had tried to take herself away from me.

Carlisle was at my side, I heard his thoughts. He was flickering through ideas on how to save my love, pointless tasks that he had already considered and rejected.

'My son,' he murmured mournfully. 'I don't know if she will survive the night. The next few hours are critical. They will determine if she lives or dies.'

I stopped listening. His thoughts were no longer on my Bella, but me. He was concerned about how I would take the news that I could lose her in under twelve hours. I knew it was coming but it hit me hard, as if it was unexpected. It took all my strength to stay on my feet, and not just collapse. To not just run off to Italy and demand that the Volturi kill me now. Death was preferable to losing her.

I had no life once she was gone. It had taken me almost a hundred years to find someone I loved, and then I had. My Bella, my innocent, naïve, sweet Bella. She did not care that I was a monster, assuring me that I had done enough good to wipe away my sins. But nothing could remove my greatest sin of all. Worse than all my lying, murdering and stealing, I coveted something I should have stayed away from. Her.

I should have stayed away from her from the moment I felt the pull of her blood. That had been the first warning that it would end in tragedy. But we had overcome that. I had not been strong enough to resist the pull of her blood, and eventually her. I hated Alice for knowing that I would cave. That I would fall for this fragile, defenseless human. I had been the cause of her pain.

Alice had warned me what my leaving her would do to Bella, but I underestimated Bellas emotions for me. They could not be as strong as mine were for her. Nothing could compare to that. Not Heathcliffs love for Cathy, or Romeos love for Juliet. Our love over came all those, for we were the real life version of their undying love. But just as theirs had, ours would not have a happy ending.

A broken sob escaped my lips.

'Carlisle there has to be something you can do for her. Anything.'

It was unbearable for me to see Bella lying in the hospital with IV cords in her arms. A small smile played at my lips at the reaction Bella would give when she awoke to find the needles. If she awoke, I scolded myself.

'Edward I am out of ideas. There is nothing we can do I'm afraid.'

I was at her side in under a tenth of a second. I didn't even have to consider the thought, before I was beside her. I took her hand in mine, pressing it against my lips. I felt the strength of the pull of her blood. It hit me hard, her unique floral scent, so much stronger to me than any other vampire. I could feel the venom flowing to my mouth, the burn and tightening in the back of my throat. All that was dulled compared to my love.

Her skin was warm compared my ice cold one. But it was not as warm as I remembered it. It was cooler, her pulse fainter.

'Bella,' I whispered. 'I'm here Bella, please, if you can hear me. I'm so sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I always hurt you, but I promise I never wanted to. If I could take away this pain, take away all the pain, I would. I would endure the change a thousand times over if it meant that you would not have felt any of the pain I have inflicted on you.'

I felt, or heard, Alice behind me. I did not need my fine tuned vampire senses, I heard her thoughts, screaming at me. _Change her Edward._

'No Alice.' I would not do that no matter how much I wanted to.

'It's what she wanted Edward. Don't you dare deny her that after you denied her so much.'

I turned on my sibling, my closest friend amongst my family.

'Denied her? I would give her anything she wanted. That's why I left Alice. Damn it, I was trying to protect her,' I sobbed.

'I told you what your leaving would do to her. I saw it Edward, you saw it. She couldn't survive you leaving her, she isn't that strong. And you were not strong enough to survive losing her. Why did you do it?'

Finally Alice was letting her own anger out. She loved Bella like a sister, and it was killing her to see Bella in the hospital bed. The bruises and cuts littering her body because she wanted to escape the pain I caused her. How could I live knowing I had made her do this? It was the memory of me that caused her to try to kill herself. I truly was a monster.

'Edward change her,' she said ferociously. To anyone, Alice would have looked scary. Her fangs were flared, her eyes glaring. She looked dangerous.

'No I won't.'

'Please.'

There was a weak murmur to my right, a faint sound of a soft musical voice. I turned to see my angel looking at me pleadingly. I was at her side as fast as was humanly, or vampirely, possible.

I crushed my lips to hers, enjoying the increase in the fluttering of her heart. Her lips moulded to my own perfectly.

She pulled away. 'Don't.'

That one word cut through me violently. I knew to expect it, rejection. I deserved so much more but I selfishly had hoped otherwise. I hoped that she loved me as much as I loved her, or as close to that as anyone could feel. Nothing could match my love.

She breathed in deeply. 'This takes my hallucinations to a new level.'

'Hallucinations?' I didn't know what she meant.

'You've never spoke to me before when I wasn't in danger. Or is this place about to bombed?'

Alice snickered in the corner, and I could not resist the urge to throw her my most hateful look. Anyone else would have been scared but she only poked her tongue at me. Mature, I thought.

'What hallucinations Bella?'

'You don't get to ask questions. You're only meant to be here so I can imagine that you care. So I can pretend that you do, that you love me.'

I leaned down so my face was barely an inch apart from her.

'Oh my god, I died didn't I. When I jumped, I, I drowned.' Tears entered her voice and I saw them rise into her eyes.

I wrapped my arms around her, crushing her to my chest. 'No Bella, you aren't dead. You got extensive injuries but you are not dead.'

'I have to be,' she muttered.

'Why would you think that?'

'You wouldn't be here otherwise. This is my heaven.' She looked at her arm and drew her face into a scowl. 'Or hell. Who the hell puts needles in heaven.'

'What did you ever do to deserve hell?' I smiled. She had never done a truly wrong thing. She never stole or was unwillingly cruel. And her lying was so atrocious that it didn't even count.

'I'm not sure. I must be somewhere in the middle, but I don't mind. You're here, and if I have you then its heaven.'

I chuckled, for what she said was the truth, only from my perspective. If I had Bella, I was in heaven, she was my heaven.

'Bella you are not dead.'

She shook her head. 'I have to be, or you had better kill me.'

I felt fear well within me. 'Why?' It came out as little more than a whisper. How could my Bella ask me to kill her?

'Because if I'm not then you are really here and I can not bear that.' She looked at her hands as she said it.

I knew she would say it, reject me. I deserved no less, and much worse. I had left her wounded, bleeding violently, and I had just walked away. I had left her to fend for herself. Not without a thought or a care, not a day or hour had passed that I didn't think of her, that I didn't want to hold her in my arms again.

'Bella I'm sorry, I will leave right now.' It took every ounce of self control to stand and take a step away from her. It felt like someone was stabbing my dead, unbeating heart. Can a heart still feel when it no longer beats? I know now that it can. You can still feel the most excrutating agony of having it torn out.

I then felt her hand on my arm, her warmth radiating into my body. I glanced back at her to see her soft brown eyes wide with fear.

'You can't leave me,' she screamed. Her tears flowed down her pale cheeks. I was back at her side.

'But you just asked me to kill you because I was here.'

'Because you are going to leave me again. You are going to turn around and walk out of my life aren't you?'

'Bella its better for you that I'm not in your life.'

'Exactly,' she screamed. Her voice shook with anger and pain. I had hurt her again, as I always did. 'How dare you come back into my life only to remove yourself from it within minutes. You can't do this to me Edward. I need you, please stay with me.'

I sighed, I would give her anything she wanted. But could I give her this, could I give her me?

'Bella, I keep hurting you. I didn't plan on you seeing me, I was meant to just make sure you were ok and then disappear.'

'No.' Her eyes flashed with anger, unlike anything I had seen in her eyes. 'You can't leave me again Edward,' she sighed. 'If you planned on doing this why did you even bother to come back. You wanted to make sure that I was dead so that you could move. No more pathetic little Bella around.'

Her words sliced at me. How could she even think I wanted to move on, did she not know that I loved her beyond explanation?

'Don't worry Edward, next time I won't be so lucky as to survive. Next time I will die, I promise.'

The words shook me to my core. I grabbed her arms, closing the distant between our faces. 'Do not ever say that. If you died I would be in Italy right now. I have no life without you.'

'Don't,' she screamed. 'Don't lie to me anymore. You never wanted me, if you did you wouldn't have left. How can you threaten Italy because of me dying when you don't love me anymore? You said it yourself Edward, you don't want me.' I saw the tears in her eyes, slowly flowing over onto her soft cheeks. I wanted to kiss them away, to hold her, but I knew she wouldn't take it well.

'Bella I lied.'

'What?' I could see on her face that she didn't believe me.

'I lied Bella. I never stopped wanting you. I never stopped loving you. I said that I didn't to keep you safe.'

'To keep me safe,' her voice was filled with disbelief and wonderment.

'Bella you deserve better than me. If I had of stayed what do you think would have happened? I would have kept putting you in danger, kept hurting you. I can't bear the thought of you being hurt. So I decided to be selfish, I left. Because by leaving I kept you safe. Without me and my family around I thought that you wouldn't be in danger. I underestimated what my leaving would do to you. Never did I expect you to kill yourself. Bella you promised me you would not let anything happen to you, that you would keep yourself safe for Charlie.'

'I didn't try to kill myself,' she laughed.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and finger. 'Bella you jumped off a cliff, that is the exact definition of trying to kill yourself.'

'I was cliff diving.'

'Cliff diving?' I knew my face revealed my shock.

'I saw some of the Quileute boys doing it and wanted to try. It was recreational, mostly.'

'What do you mean mostly?' I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer.

'Well when I was in danger, I found that I could hear your voice, like you were with me. And you always wanted to protect me, and keep me from danger. You were etched in my memory perfectly. While I heard your voice I could believe,' she paused. 'I could believe that you loved me.'

'That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.' I knew my tone was harsh because the pain flashed across her face. 'You were putting yourself in danger to hear my, voice?'

She nodded. I shook my head.

How dare she do that. Put herself in danger to be with me, or a part of me.

'That proves it Bella, I am bad for you. I cause you to hurt yourself, and that's not what I want.'

'But you aren't. Edward I need you.'

I thought about Bella putting herself in danger again. Could I bear seeing Bella in hospital again? I knew I couldn't. I knew I was doing the selfish thing, doing what I wanted not what was best. 'I'll stay with you.'

Her face contorted into anger. 'No I don't want that. You can say that you I'll stay with me now but what happens next week. What happens when Jasper attempts to drain me dry, will you take off again? Or what if I get killed in a car accident? Does that grant you the right to run off to Italy? I can't do it Edward, I can not got through that again. I can't lose you.'

'What do you want Bella?'

'Change me.' The words were almost inheritable, if not for my vampire hearing they would have been.

I didn't know how to respond. What she said made sense. If she was like me she would not be in danger anymore. She would be safe from my kind, from werewolves, even simple human accidents. And the best part, I could be with her forever.

But could I take her life? Was I selfish enough to condemn her to a life of unfulfilled thirst and danger?

If I did agree to this, did I have the strength to stop?

Every question swam in my head, and a million others. I just was not ready to take her life. Selfishly, I wanted her to stay human. I wanted to see the blush rise in her cheeks and the tears on her face. I wanted her sweet scent and watch her while she slept. Mostly I did not want to kill Bella. I had to do the right thing.

'I can't Bella.' I was not risking her life for my own personal gain.

'Then what do we do, Edward?'

I didn't respond because I didn't know how.

* * *

**Authors Note**

_Sorry about the wait. i used my internet limit again (how do you use 6 GB in like 17 days?) Does anyone know if fan fic uses alot!?!?! Any way this is the next chapter FINALLY!!!!! it was the first chapter i wrote so it was the one i wanted to upload the most :) I hope you guys enjoyed it and it is longer (because some people wanted it to be) and i can update later this week, if i get lovely reviews :D **READ AND REVIEW MY LOVELYS** (i have the wizard of oz stuck in my head)_


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